‘When an adoption goes bad’

That was the Tribune headline for this story.

Red flags:  Long struggle with infertility.  Multiple nannies.  Mother pregnant shortly after child comes into the home.  Biological child after adopted child.  Blog with all the details.

And you know she’s probably writing a book.  Because you have to talk about that heartbreaking choice.

At least the foster parents declined to comment.

13 thoughts on “‘When an adoption goes bad’

  1. I am not sure all of those “red flags” are indeed red flags all the time. I am not sure the success or failure of adoption can be reduced to just those indicators.

    I’ve known four families who adopted after a long battle with infertility, who became pregnant shortly before or after the adoptions were finalized and their children are happy and healthy and really well adjusted.

    With that being said, I think that in many ways the adoption process is broken. There are so many children out there seeing forever homes and there are great families out there who want to adopt. Adoption often is financially (and often bureaucratically) prohibitive. Families have to jump through many, often expensive hoops to be approved for adoption, yet these sad and devastating situations still occur. I wonder how often parents who are financially able to cough up the funds are pushed through the adoption process without as much care for the well-being of the child.

  2. “There are so many kids like this,” he explained. “The only difference is that the Gertzes are willing to be public.”

    Funny, that is my exact issue with this article.

  3. From abc: “She started a blog about FASD, and hopes to help others by sharing her journey with Ellie in a book, “Not of My Womb: Parenting the Legacy of an Addict.””

    Where’s my ten bucks?

    Also, I think that if you are having serious issues with parenting, it might not be in that child’s best interest to bring another child into the family.

  4. I think what I hate most about this is that the heartbreak they’re talking about is the PARENT’S heartbreak. The closing line – they were all so hurt because their daughter’s letter only asked about the dog? Give me a freaking break. It is not a seven-year-old’s job to protect their feelings.

    Parents dealing with FASD and RAD face challenges I cannot wrap my mind around, and I don’t stand in judgement of families who cannot find a solution other than disruption. There, but for the grace of God, go I.

    HOWEVER. The public pity party (and subsequent rubber-necking) for disappointed parents must stop. The blaming of the child, who was irreperably damaged by adults who should have cared for her, MUST STOP. That article is inexcuseable.

    And “Not of My Womb”??? Wow. Just…. wow.

  5. As soon as I read “8 nannies”, I knew I was reading about priveledge and entitlement. Most of us can’t even relate to the concept of having a nannie for our kids, but to continue trying new ones while the little is clearly in need of consistency is telling.
    This family is more concerned over revealing a “gotcha” on the natural mom then taking responsibility for parenting the child.

  6. These kinds of people always remind me of my aunt. She got a dog, never bathes it or walks it and complains about how untrained it is (having never bothered to train it), and one day decides she simply must get a second dog. She even has a name picked out.

    It’s like some part of their brain insists on this ideal collection, even when that has no basis on reality.

    And what if the third child had been autistic or had downs syndrome? Would they have tossed her too?

  7. That last line is beyond the pale. They’re hurt because the child they gave away only asked about the dog. Well, hell, people, if you want your child to give a flip about you, try not giving her away.

  8. I don’t get it, this is not adoption, adoption is when you take a child as your own, for the good and the bad. How is it legal for people to give away an adopted child? this should be legally treated like a case of abandoning a biological child!

  9. Why aren’t any of you blaming the birth mom for making this child like this? Obviously none of you have had a kid with fasd try to burn your house down.

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