First, a personal note. For my mental health, would you all please stop sending me links to white adoptive parent forums? Thank you. It’s bad enough that they regurgitate the racism of our society, but horrific when you consider that they are raising children of color.
Miley Cyrus is still being discussed, and some of the posts reflect typical white adoptive parent racism: “Oh, I’ve done that too, I’m sure. If that the stuppidest thing she will ever do in her teens, I praise her.”
“Kids will do dumb things. It’s part of growing up.”
“It did not bother me. I think they were just being silly.”
“Ok, I guess I’m evil because I thought the picture was funny.”
“Is making the gesture racist itself?” [Uh, yeah.]
“I sure hope I can raise my child to not be overly sensitive and to not make a quick judgment that someone is being racist.”
“I am raising my daughter to not be offended by every little thing that goes on out there. ”
“If we teach them that having others acknowledge the slant of their eyes is a bad thing, then we are teaching them not to celebrate those eyes, but to be embarrassed by them. Correcting racism isn’t only about correcting the actions of others. It is also about correcting how we respond to those actions.”
But here’s the OMFG kicker:
Okay, I’ve got to be honest here. SoccerGirl has had kids “slanting their eyes” at her for years, and she could care less. She knows her eyes are beautiful, so the gesture from others isn’t taken by her as an insult.
Say WHAT? This has been happening to your kid for YEARS and you haven’t done anything about it? This is abusive parenting.
But here are some other responses to restore some hope to your heart:
“Well as someone who is dealing with this issue in my children’s school, I think that it is worth making public comments on public figures doing the wrong thing.”
“I think it’s different for most of us (as I am assuming most of us are not Asian) to say how *we* feel about the picture. Most of us have probably grown up being in the majority and experiencing some level of white priveledge. I don’t think we are in the position to say ‘gee whiz, that’s no big deal.’
Also, in contrast, to all those who say they don’t want their child to get offended…………. I sure as heck don’t wish to minimize racism in any form to my child. I think doing so allows things to continues.”
“Racial teasing can leave lasting scars. So can any other type of teasing – but from the reading I have done, racial teasing is far, far worse. Especially if the kid is being raised in a white family who tells her, ‘Oh, I got teased as a kid too, just get over it.’
The thing is – adults seem to think it’s okay to ‘tease’ like this too – ie Spanish bball team.
So why do we condone it?
Do we want our kids to feel shame and worth less because they are not AND NEVER WILL BE the same as the other (white) kids?”
So what is the moral of the story? The moral of the story is that white adoptive parents to children of color are simply a representative cross-section of the population. Some are anti-racist and some are racist. But it matters more because of the children.