Why I hate adoptive parents

Reason 6.  I do not want to be your new best friend.  Ever. 

Yes, I do know that you heard from an adoption professional that if there’s one person of color within a square mile of your house, you had better make friends with that person.  Except you need to look a little harder, because it’s probably not going to be me. 

Let’s face it, there’s something a little creepy about somebody telling you that they’d like to be your friend so that you can be a role model for their kid or because they want to have more friends of color.  That is, more than zero. 

A couple of times I’ve been asked by adoptive parents, “How DOES one make friends with people of color?”  Beats the hell out of me.  We’re so weird and alien that normal friendship overtures won’t work.  Here are a couple of openers you could try:

Hey, what are you?

I just loooove your culture! It’s so interesting!

I love [select one or more of the following, bonus points if the ethnicities do not match:  Amy Tan,* curry, anime, dim sum, fufu, sushi, tacos, Dinesh D’Souza].

I used to have a really good friend who was from [insert country here].

And if worse comes to worse, you could always try a rental service.

*I got the Amy Tan type of POC groupie recently, who was sorely disappointed to find out that I don’t like Amy Tan. At all.

3 thoughts on “Why I hate adoptive parents

  1. Some of us had friends of color before we adopted our kids (and still have them).

    Some of us reach out to other adults of color in our communities because *we* feel isolated, because we want to make connections with other people who are experiencing life a bit more like our family is, because that’s who we feel more comfortable with (instead of the majority of White parents who think we are so over the top, who view us as adding ‘color’ to their children’s social circles)–that’s all.

    P.S. Before I get slammed for living in a mostly White community (I do, and I’m not happy about it) let me say this: I grew up in a big city; I’ve lived all over the country; we moved here for a job when there were *no* jobs to be had and we had 2 babies; and we are moving to a much more diverse community within a year (hooray!)

  2. This is such a great article. I really liked your link to Rent-A-Negro because it’s such a great parody on white non-consciousness. I don’t know how some white people cannot get this message with all their supposed superior intelligence. Keep on posting and informing; the message will get through. Damali Ayo is very talented and intelligent artist. Blessings upon you for this article and the link to the Rent-A-Negro website.

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