Don’t try this at home

Shanghai acrobats.

Your [insert ethnicity here] gift

So because I enjoy poisoning my mind, I was browsing around on Gawker.  Instead of doing the ninety million things I am supposed to be doing.  Hey, welcome to my life.

There is one post titled “Gift-Giving Horror Stories” and it includes some doozies:

From UsernamesAreAllTaken:

The first Christmas my boyfriend (now husband) were together, his mom got me the following:
1. a book called “Snow Flower and the Secret Fan” (complete with a picture of a geisha on the front),
2. Memoirs of a Geisha
3. Chopstick Set

yup, i’m asian. I know. they are very very very white.

From gypsypirate:

My bf’s parents gave me:

1. a wok. (first year)
2. a 20 pound bag of rice. (the next year)
3. one of those huge multi-gallon jugs of soy sauce. (the third year)

I’m Asian. He’s Caucasian. My bf didn’t understand why I was so upset.

Nobody has yet given me Memoirs of a Geisha, although quite a few people have recommended it to me. I had to leave the library yesterday for that very reason. I have had Lisa See recommendations from white adoptive parents. I hate Lisa See. They never want to be my best friend after I tell them that.

I would actually enjoy the 20 pound sack of rice and the big soy sauce. Got chopsticks, threw the wok out when I moved. I gave somebody a 15 pound sack of rice this year. Also I often give my mom one.

Once somebody gave me a set of handmade Chinese brushes. Like art brushes, yo. This year I received two sushi sets from a colleague, purchased at some ritzy department store. Hope the thrift store enjoys them.

What [insert ethnicity here] gifts have you gotten?

My so-called life

I really need to get the appearance of a life some time soon.

My neighbor, day before Thanksgiving:  Can you bring over your dining room chairs* tomorrow morning?  I’m having company.

Me:  Um, no, I can’t.  I’m going to be using them.

Neighbor:  Why?  Is somebody coming over?

Thank goodness for education

Scene:  Sports apparel store in mall.  My mom wants to buy a shirt and is debating the merits of the various sports teams.  In English.  By the way, my mom is completely fluent in English and has no discernible accent.

Clerk:  Hey, are you guys Japanese?  I took Japanese in college.  We have Fukudome t-shirts.

Me:  Gee, that’s great you took Japanese.  No wonder you can pronounce “Fukudome.”

Price of the t-shirt Mom bought (for a hockey team):  $24.

Look on the clerk’s face:  Priceless.

(For the record, my mother wanted a Pippen shirt.  On the way home, she talked at great length about how Michael Jordan’s superstardom was in part due to Pippen’s team spirit and talents.)

Because

My arm hurts because I had to get a big old shot the other day.  And I was thinking about writing a blog post on my Anti-Racist Resolutions™.  I rarely seem to get my responses right the first time.  But what I know is that I do have to respond.  Perfect being the enemy of good and all that.

I was thinking about several different issues I’d like to address better, but kept coming back to one thought in particular.

About a month ago, I was walking on the sidewalk in front of the grocery store when a white guy punched me in the arm.  Hard. 

Edmond Chang confirmed by Senate for U.S. District Court

Could be another first. Story in English here. Story in Chinese here.

Um, okay

Isn’t Wisconsin cold at this time of year?

Police in Wisconsin said a postal worker was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior after delivering mail to an office while completely nude.

The police report of the incident said the 52-year-old letter carrier, whose name was not released, admitted to the Dec. 4 incident at the Whitefish Bay office and apologized for his actions, which he described as stupid, the Waukesha, Wis., Web site WhitefishBayNow reported Tuesday.

The postal worker said he had previously told an employee at the office he was going to deliver mail naked because she seemed “stressed out” and he wanted to “make her laugh.”

Who is family?

A couple of years back I went to meet some family members at a restaurant for dinner.  I told the host I was meeting my family and he was scanning the list* when I spotted them.  So I told him and started walking over to the table.

As I did so, he tried to stop me.  He was some distance in back of me, but called out several times in a voice marked with distress.  When he arrived at the table, I was already seated.  I’d been kissed and hugged and we were all making lots of “long time no see” sorts of comments.

But the host couldn’t see that.  So he apologized to my family that he had not been able to stop me.  Obviously I was just some kind of crazy intruder who mistakenly thought a bunch of white people might actually be my family.

–
*as Ty noted in the comments to this post, the Asian face apparently causes some kind of disruption with white people’s cognitive process.

What ‘anti-racist’ means

Must be opposite day again.

I read this brief AP blip about the formation of an “anti-racist” group at West Chester University:

WEST CHESTER, Pa. — Fliers announcing the formation of a “White Student Union” on West Chester University’s campus have sparked controversy.

School officials say the fliers were part of an effort to organize people who are against racism and are not the seeds of a racist organization.

University spokeswoman Pam Sheridan said students raised concerns about the fliers.

She said an investigation revealed that the fliers were put together with “a totally different agenda in mind and it backfired.” She said the intent was to get people to constructively talk about racism.

West Chester University has roughly 14,000 students. About 85 percent are white.

Okay, nothing to see here! Just a misunderstanding! These are just naive people who are trying to work towards anti-racism.

Asians on the intertubes

Four of my favorite bloggers, from here.  I’ve seen one in person, hope to be able to sit and have a beer with all of them someday.  I blame this picture for a dream about Carmen last night.