Recently I was thinking about when I began to generalize certain behaviors to white people. This came up because I once again saw that white woman who is a community leader struggling to open a door. And my first thought was “Good luck with that [slur omitted].”
Needless to say, I didn’t open the door for her this time. But I wondered if my inaction was more dehumanizing to me or to her.
My experience has been that most white people freely and happily partake of their privilege, often without ever stopping to think twice about it. And when they refuse privilege, I’m surprised. I’m at the store and I’m next in line to be waited on when the clerk starts to help a white person. And that white person indicates that I was first.
It doesn’t happen often, but it happens.
My surprise indicates to me that I fully expected for that white person to take that bit of privilege and run with it. I don’t expect “common courtesy” from white people; it isn’t quite common enough. I’ve racialized their behavior to the point where I am expecting them to treat me as less-than.
But when I purposely choose to return their invisibility, I feel somehow that a piece of who I am is lost.
I chose not to open the door for that white woman, knowing full well that she would probably just sweep through without even giving me a glance or a nod. And I know that sometimes, on a less conscious level, I am less likely to offer courtesies to white people simply because I think they will respond with privilege.
Yet I remain unsure about my own actions or inactions. If I were to open the door for that woman, what would I be left feeling as a result? Does it even matter? What do I want? Do I want to force her to see my humanity? Or should it be enough that I see my own?
I remember that Martin Luther King said that we should not be lead to distrust of all white people. But what about when they do not see their destiny as being our own?
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Edited fer badd grammer.
6 comments
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February 5, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Orodemniades
Interesting. Maybe it depends on where you live and the local culture? As a person of mixed race who identifies and looks black, I’ve never given much thought to door opening or other such social stuff as having racial overtones at all. That may be because I grew up in the whitest state in the nation and plenty of people have opened doors for me. I s’pose I chalk it up to rudeness vs good manners…?
Which isn’t to say there aren’t racial overtones, just that I’ve not experienced that to my knowledge.
February 5, 2008 at 6:15 pm
sinoangle
There is a difference between not wanting to open the door for someone in particular who you know will not thank you for it, and generalising that to not opening doors for anyone who has something in common with that person (in this case, is white).
As for expecting people to act on their privilege, we all do that. Financially under-privileged people do not expect those who are privileged to help them out. They might hope so, but they don’t expect it. Is that a lack of trust? Is it pessimism? Or is it a realistic outlook on life?
It seems to me that what matters is what you do about it. I read the double door post again and I felt buoyed by your reaction to the guy who stole the seat you gave up for the woman and her baby. Action is what counts.
February 6, 2008 at 10:33 pm
resistance
I tend to think I do generalize this behavior to white people.
February 8, 2008 at 5:39 am
more cowbell
Years back, a friend and I used to debate the manners v. racism thing — at that time I was more of the “it’s individual manners” school, whereas my friend (African American) felt it was racism, more often than not. In the years since, moving back to the states, seeing things my kids deal with in American schools, becoming involved in antiracist work in the community, I finally came to the realization that my friend was not cynical then, I was naive. I didn’t want to see it because I didn’t want to think about how that might reflect on me — if it was an individual manners thing, then I could continue to pat myself on the back on teh back for being “a good white person”, and not have to face the reality of my privilege. (because you know white people aren’t used to having to represent their race, ha!)
Anyway, I guess I just wanted to say I hear you. As far as Dr. King’s words … I’d imagine that’s much easier said than done, when feelings, or even actions, are the result of having experienced these things over and over. I don’t know you could not generalize, at least to some extent.
February 8, 2008 at 7:41 am
panracial
I think it’s brave of you to even address the subject, and I do think behaving the way you did with the woman struggling with the door does dehumanize you — let’s not lower ourselves to behaviors beneath our dignity.
February 11, 2008 at 11:59 pm
gabriela
Unfortunately you are not alone, resistance. Psychology studies show that people tend to have implicit racial preferences or biases. The more you encounter rude behavior, the more biased you become, too. It’s not about becoming less human, but about being human.